LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
