She said her name was "party"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
