I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
