Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
