he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
