We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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