Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
