I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Can I color on your dick again?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
