My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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