I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
