Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
