I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A bitchslap is in order.
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