I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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