I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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