I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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