Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
