I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
