I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
