my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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