get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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