OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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