Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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