I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
