I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
