The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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