this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
