Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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