my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
