There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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