we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
