Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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