my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
