Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
