She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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