The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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