I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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