She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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