just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
