she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
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Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize