you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
