Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
