I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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