God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
