So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
