Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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