It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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