our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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