I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
