drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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