I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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