She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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