I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
