Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
