All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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