plz talk dirty to me
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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