I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
