I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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