shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
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You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
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I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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