I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
