the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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