were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
