I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
