i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
