1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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