I heard we made out
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
