I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
