1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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