last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
