before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
