Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
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Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
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you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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