I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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