What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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