he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
