the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
