I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
